Mouse in the House
by Red Witch
Summary: The Xavier Institute is invaded by their most devious enemy ever...a mouse! Laugh along as the XMen and Misfits try to remove the rascally rodent.


**The disclaimer for this one shot fic has gone down a mouse hole somewhere. Just a crazy idea that came into my crazy mind. Takes place shortly before This Soap Opera Called Life.**

**Mouse In The House**

"I am gonna kill that overgrown lizard!" Jubilee held a sweater in her hand and stormed to Kitty's room. She loudly rapped on it. "Kitty! Kitty! Get your butt out here!"

"What?" Kitty said as she opened it.

"Look what your stupid dragon did to my sweater!" Jubilee showed it to her. "It's got holes in it."

"You don't know for sure Lockheed did it," Thornn told her.

"What you're saying the Professor goes around and chews on clothes in closets?" Jubilee snapped.

"Lockheed wouldn't do something like that!" Kitty snapped.

"Not to the girls' clothes anyway," Rogue walked up. "Lotta stuff's been chewed up lately. Forge found some of his wires gnawed at, and there have been a lot of holes in the cereal boxes lately."

"Maybe Logan's slicing up the cereal boxes?" Thornn asked.

They heard Lockheed growling at Kitty's dresser. "What is it boy?" Kitty asked as she opened her closet. "There's nothing in here. Nothing but some weird little raisins on the floor." She picked one up. "Which is funny cause I don't remember eating raisins."

"Kitty…" Rogue blinked. "Those aren't raisins…"

The scream could be heard all throughout the mansion. "What's going on?" Logan ran in with Hank. "What happened?"

Kitty ran past them. "Gotta wash my hands! Oh god I gotta wash my hands!"

"Well at least I know who ate my sweater," Jubilee grunted.

"What? Oh…" Logan frowned as he took a sniff. "**That's **the problem."

"It appears that the source of all the gnawed wires and contaminated foodstuffs is merely Zapus Hudsonus, or the common field mouse," Hank told them.

"Are you saying we have **mice**?" Kitty cringed as she returned to the room. "Ewwww!"

"What are you complaining about?" Rogue asked her. "You have a pet flying lizard for crying out loud."

"Yeah but Lockheed's not an icky mouse," Kitty winced. "Not all covered with germs and stuff."

"So what's the prob?" Jubilee asked. "Can't Thornn just get rid of them?"

"Hey just because I look like a cat doesn't mean I eat mice!" Thornn snapped. "Okay maybe a rat or two once but those were extreme situations!"

"I don't care how you guys get rid of it, just get rid of it!" Kitty snapped. "Now I gotta wash all my clothes again! I hate mice! I hate mice!"

"Kitty Cat's scared of mice," Thornn snickered.

"Shut up!" Kitty snapped. "Those things are field mice right? Well send 'em back to the field where they belong!"

"What do I look like? An exterminator?" Logan snapped.

"Just get rid of them!" Kitty whined.

"Fine we'll set up some stupid mousetraps and that will be the end of it!" Logan rolled his eyes.

But it wasn't. Two days later during a Danger Room session things changed. It seemed like a simple exercise with Logan slicing through a few lasers with Scott, Hank and Warren as backup when suddenly the lasers started to act more unpredictable. "YEOWWWW!" Logan shouted when a laser zapped him in the behind. "Okay who's the wise guy?"

"The controls are not responding!" Xavier shouted. "For some reason the Danger Room is acting out of control!"

"NO KIDDING!" Logan snapped. "YEOW! NOT IN THE BUTT AGAIN!"

After a few more explosions the Danger Room was finally shut down. "That was not fun…" Logan hissed.

"Uh, Logan you might want to consider a costume change…" Warren winced. "And in the future could you please wear underwear to Danger Room Practice?"

"Oh man…" Logan snapped. "What the hell happened Forge?"

"The wires have all been chewed through," Forge told them as he examined the wires. "Are those…**mouse droppings**?"

"What?" Logan's jaw dropped. "You mean those traps didn't do anything?"

"Not really," Forge said. "I've been checking the mousetraps and all the peanut butter is gone, but the trap isn't sprung. And the traps with the poison in the food haven't even been touched. That's one smart mouse."

"Okay…" Logan grunted. "That's it! Now it's **personal!**" He stormed out of the Danger Room.

"Hey Mr. Logan what's going…?" Tabitha asked as he walked by. "Whoa! Full moon tonight!"

"SHUT UP TIME BOMB!" Logan shouted.

A few hours later…

"You sure this is going to work Forge?" Logan asked.

"Absolutely," Forge told Logan. Hank, Scott and John were there as well. He had a handheld tracking device. "This is the Mouse Detector 2000. It tells exactly how many mice are in an area and where they are."

"Good then we can hunt 'em down and slice 'em to bits," Logan snapped.

"Don't you think you're taking this a little too seriously?" Hank asked.

"Well it is good to have something like this," Scott shrugged.

"Think of it as a hunting exercise," Logan snapped. "So what have we got Forge?"

"Well the good news is I'm only detecting one mouse," Forge looked at the machine.

"See the problem isn't as bad as you thought," Scott remarked.

"The bad news is that it seems to be upstairs," Forge remarked. "In the boy's dorms. Sector 4-G. Isn't that your bedroom Scott?"

"Oh for crying out loud…" Scott groaned as they ran upstairs. "Where is it?"

"It appears to be in your wall," Forge told him.

"Good! Blast it!" Logan said.

"I am not blasting apart my own wall," Scott told him. "Not on purpose anyway."

"Fine," Logan shrugged and popped out his claws. He sliced into it and started cutting open the wall. "PROFESSOR!" Scott shouted.

"Oh shut up Scott it's not like your wall doesn't get a hole in it every other week or something," John told him.

"Look at the bright side," Hank peered in. "You now have a window into Kurt's room.

"Yeah thanks a lot," Kurt snapped from the other side. "Hey Scott did you get a new rug? It looks good."

"Oh thanks Kurt, I thought the floor looked a little drab so I…" Scott stopped himself. "This is not my life…"

"Where is the little four legged freak?" Logan sniffed around. "How'd he get away?"

"Now it's in Warren's room next door," Forge remarked. "On the other side of Scott's room. It's very fast. There are a lot of little passages through the walls it made."

"Okay now you're in for it!" Logan roared as he trashed Warren's walls as he ran in.

Unfortunately Warren just happened to be getting dressed at the time. "DO YOU MIND?" He snapped. He was wearing only a pair of white boxers.

"Oh this is a sight I'm gonna love seeing in the morning," Scott said sarcastically as he saw the hole between Warren's room and his room.

"Well it's one way to keep an eye on your teammates," Hank shrugged.

"It got away again!" Logan snapped. "My claws just missed it! Now where is it?"

"I'm tracking it, hold on a second…" Forge told him.

"Tracking what?" Warren snapped as he put on some jeans.

"The mouse that fried us in the Danger Room," Scott told him.

"Oh in that case do what you have to do!" Warren snapped. "I found mouse droppings this morning in my sweater chest!"

"Oh what a tortured existence you lead," John said sarcastically.

"Now it's in Logan's room," Forge said.

"MY TURN!" Scott shouted as he blasted the walls in Logan's room when he ran in.

"HEY WATCH IT!" Logan snapped. "MY POSTERS!"

"Scott…" Xavier looked out the large hole. "Why did you blow up my wall? On purpose?"

"He started it!" Scott pointed to Logan.

"Oh dear…" Xavier held his head. "Looks like I'm going to have to take another trip to the drugstore to get more migraine medicine this week…"

"So you geniuses have figured out a plan to get the mouse without tearing apart the mansion in the process?" Rogue folded her arms as she watched the second attempt in Hank's lab.

"This machine will no doubt do the job," Hank explained, pointing to a medium sized machine. "This sonic vibrator is designed to get rid of pests safely and effectively without any ill effects to either the animal or the environment."

"So all we gotta do is just hit the right frequency…" Forge told them. "And that'll drive it out."

"I think that might not be a good idea," Rogue frowned.

"Why not?" Forge asked as he turned the machine on.

"YEEARRRRRHHHGGH!" Logan screamed as he grabbed his ears. "THAT'S THE WORST SOUND I HAVE EVER HEARD!"

"**That's** why," Rogue told them.

"Oh yeah we forgot about that," Hank scratched his head.

"Don't worry Logan," Forge told him. "It only needs to be on 24-7 for three or four weeks. Then…."

"NOOOO!" Logan screamed as he sliced the machine into ribbons. "Ah…Much better."

"So much for **that** bright idea," Rogue shook her head. "Now what are you gonna do."

"We're just going to have to keep finding ways to live with it I guess," Hank shrugged as he opened a drawer. "WHAT THE…I DON'T BELIEVE THIS!"

"Problem Beast?" Logan asked.

"**MY TWINKIES!**" Hank screamed. "THAT ROTTEN RODENT ATE MY TWINKIES! IT MUST **DIE!**"

"Can't you just call an exterminator or something?" Rogue asked.

"Oh no," Hank had a wild look in his eye. "Now it's **personal!**"

"That's what I said the other day," Logan told him.

"Men! Prepare for war!" Hank shouted.

"YEAH!" The guys shouted.

"Prepare for battle!" Forge shouted getting into the spirit of things.

"YEAH!"

"And I'll prepare the medical ward…" Rogue sighed as she left the room.

The following day the Misfits teleported to the X-Mansion. "Hello X-Men!" Todd called out. "The Misfits are here! Are you ready to par…" He stopped and was shocked at what he saw. "Tay?"

There were holes in the walls. There was a small fire smoldering in a wastebasket and something was wobbling around shooting out electric sparks on the floor. "Okay this is new…" Lance remarked.

"I gotta admit this is pretty close to our standards," Pietro whistled. He saw several of the X-Girls walk in. "New decorating strategy?"

"You wish," Kitty groaned.

"Uh, why is the toaster on fire and dancing around the halls?" Wanda asked.

"The guys are trying to catch a mouse," Rogue informed her.

"Oh that makes sense," Althea folded her arms.

"It's got to come out some time," Logan grunted as he, Scott, Hank, Bobby, Forge and John hovered over a mouse hole.

"And when it does…" John patted a small bazooka on his shoulder.

"Not if my atomic laser gets it first," Forge grinned as he patted his weapon of choice. "That's my baby."

"Are you guys still at it?" Amara asked.

"Yup," Logan grunted.

"Uh don't you think you're going like, a little overboard?" Kitty asked.

"Nope," Scott said.

"I think we should all move to the other room now…" Jean sighed. The girls and the Misfits did so.

"How long has this been going on?" Todd asked.

"Three days," Jean told them.

"THERE IT IS!" John shouted from the next room.

"GET IT!" Hank shouted.

BOOM!

"HOW COULD YOU MISS?" Scott shouted. "YOU HAD HIM IN YOUR SIGHTS!"

"HE MOVED! SUE ME!" Forge snapped.

"Three very long days…" Jean groaned. 

"Where the hell is the Professor during all this?" Althea asked. "You'd think he or Storm would have done something by now."

"Well after Scott blasted his bedroom he said something about needing to go to a conference or something," Kitty told him. "Took off right when Beast went into meltdown about his Twinkies."

"IT'S GETTING AWAY!" John shouted.

"IT'S GOING LEFT!" Scott shouted.

"My left or your left?" Bobby asked.

"JUST FREEZE EVERYTHING IN THE ROOM ICE CUBE!" Logan shouted. "YEOW! EVERYTHING EXCEPT **ME!**" 

"Storm decided to go with him didn't she?" Lance asked.

"Bingo," Rogue groaned.

"Hey did you guys ever have problems with mice when you lived at the Brotherhood House?" Kitty asked.

"Are you kidding?" Wanda asked. "They kept them as pets! Well until a certain incident with a dozen microwave burritos, Toad's slime and some green cheese. After that day not one mouse dared to cross our doorstep again!"

"**I** didn't want to live there after that," Lance told them. "Actually I didn't want to live there long **before** that but that's another story."

"It was a sad day," Todd sniffed. "But at least we had a nice funeral for 'em."

"When are we ever going to learn **not **to ask about things that went on in the Brotherhood House?" Jean winced.

"What about Misfit Manor?" Kitty asked.

"Are you kidding?" Althea asked. "Ever since my sisters could pick up an electric cattle prod no mouse has **willingly** crossed the threshold of our door."

"We like mice!" Brittany cheered.

"They're so cute and fuzzy," Quinn said.

"And they scream so loud," Daria giggled.

"God I'm surrounded by idiots, maniacs and psychotics…" Rogue held her head in her hands.

"Well we lost him again!" Scott grunted. He and the other X-Men were covered in snow and smudges.

"I can't freaking believe this!" Logan snarled. "We're the **X-Men** for crying out loud! We've taken on Magneto, Apocalypse, Sentinels, demons…You name it, we beat the stuffing out of it! And we're getting our butts kicked by a single little **mouse?**"

"That does appear to be the dilemma," Hank sighed. "Ironic as it may seem."

"Boy you guys are really getting whipped by that thing," Fred chuckled.

"Oh and I suppose **you** could do better?" Logan snapped.

"Well I could give it a whirl," Fred shrugged.

"Go right ahead," Scott made a motion. "This I have to see."

"No problem," Fred walked in the room. "Just stand back and give me room."

"We'd have to stand in Australia to give **him** enough room," Bobby muttered under his breath as he and Scott followed him into the room.

"And now we're asking the Misfits for help," Rogue sighed.

"This day just keeps getting suckier and suckier…" Amara groaned.

"Well with the mansion trashed at least things cannot get any worse," Hank sighed as he sat down.

"Got it," Fred told them as he walked in, gently holding the mouse in his hand.

"WHAT?" Logan gasped. "HOW? HOW COULD YOU…? HOW DID HE…?"

"You don't want to know…" Scott shook his head. "Believe me you **don't **want to know!"

John glared at Hank. "You just **had** to say that didn't you? You would think somebody as smart as you would know enough **not **to say stuff like 'At least things can't get worse'?"

"So that's the killer mouse who's been kicking your butts huh?" Todd snickered.

"Hey maybe we should let it join the Misfits," Pietro laughed.

"I hate my life…" Scott moaned. "I hate my life…"

"Who's a good little mousey?" Fred crooned. "Yes you are. That's a good girl."

"**Girl?**" Scott's jaw dropped.

"We were beaten by a **girl** mouse?" Bobby shouted.

"Some reason this doesn't surprise me," Jean snickered.

"That explains a lot," Rogue grinned.

"We couldn't handle one stupid little girl mouse but the **Blob** could?" Logan blinked.

"More than one actually. She's pregnant," Fred remarked.

"How can you tell?" Scott asked. "Wait I don't want to know."

"Well we can't kill it now!" Kitty said.

"What do you mean we **can't **kill it?" Logan snarled. "After what that thing did to us?"

"Well it would be wrong," Kitty shrugged.

"You're the one who wanted us to annihilate the damned thing and now you changed your mind?" Logan snapped.

"I just said get rid of it," Kitty said. "I never actually like **said** the word annihilate."

"It wrecked our house!" Forge said.

"Uh excuse me," Rogue glared at the guys. "But **who** wrecked the mansion?"

BUZZ! BUZZ! The strange electric appliance skittered down the hallway leaving sparks behind.

"Oh yeah, right," Forge coughed.

"Don't worry," Brittany grinned. "We'll give it a good home."

"Oh no you don't," Althea snapped. "We've just finished with one lawsuit from the ASPCA. We're not going to rush headlong into another one!"

"So what **are** you going to do with it?" Kitty asked.

"Well…" Todd grinned.

Three weeks later…

"SOMEBODY CALL AN EXTERMINATOR!" Senator Kelly stood on his chair. "I DON'T KNOW HOW ALL THESE MICE GOT INTO MY OFFICE BUT BY GOD I WILL GET TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS! IT'S ALL THE MUTANTS' FAULT! THAT'S IT! IT'S GOTTA BE THE MUTANTS! THEY DID THIS TO ME!"

"Yes Senator Kelly, mutants infested your office with mice," His aide sighed, humoring him. Under his breath he muttered. "I'm not paid nearly enough for this!"


End file.
